The Edge of Frustration

Let me tell you what frustration is not. It is not the tiny, little infant currently curled up in my lap.

Let me tell you what frustration is. It is the tiny, little infant currently curled up in my lap.

Contradictory? Not in the least. Peculiar? Certainly.

Babies are weird, or rather, how babies make me feel is weird. You can go from being a sane, rational human being with everything ordered, planned, systematized and scheduled to a wild lunatic with hair disheveled, house a mess, and a terrible sense that not only have your forgotten something important, but that it will probably come and eat you soon. This is where I am tonight, sitting in the dimly lit office, typing away at the too-bright screen, and wondering when the--whatever it is--will arrive, and whether I'm just an appetizer or the main course.

Fridays are supposed to be quiet days, but we have had no such luck today. Our best plans were waylaid, and there was nothing that anyone could have done, said, or foreseen to forestall the derailment. The whole day was an exercise in frustration for me. Frustration to speak well in front of my classes, frustration to lead a discussion section, frustration to have a sense of what side is up and what side is down. I need one of those labels you find on the cereal box, or a package from UPS--open this side. Then, of course, there is the frustration of attempting to lay your child in his crib. He seems tremendously asleep. His breathing is fixed. His eyes flutter ever so gently, but then, just as you place him on that beddish surface, his eyes burst open, his face wrinkles in distaste, and he scolds you for being myopic. Bespectacled though I am, he still feels it necessary to remind me of my failure to sense his inner wakefulness, his need for yet one more trip to the bottle, one more change of the diaper, and one more agitating attempt at lowering him into his crib.

Maybe it is the lack of sleep. I've been up since 3:00 am this morning. Maybe it is the cumulative effort of teaching (bad day today), writing (ha!), husbanding (not doing enough there), and parenting (feels like a lot on Tuesdays, but never enough on Wednesdays), but I feel disorganized. I have lists, but trouble keeping them. I have notes, but trouble following them. I have tasks, and planners, and calendars, and programs, and timers, and alarms, and sundry other aids, but still I feel like Alice, except that I think I drank my Eat Me and ate my Drink Me. I am not sure what to do. Sleep, probably. The demons of exhaustion are the ugliest suckers, I know. But something more must be done tomorrow. I need to get a sense of equilibrium. I need to find a better balance. I thought I had it, and then the week before my conference, everything started to get shaky.

Hey, Reader, whoever you are. What do you do to find balance? Any advice for this father of two, dissertating, teaching, administrating, husbanding madman? Inquiring minds want to know. 

   

Sleepless Nights

My oldest friend used to say (and probably still does) whenever some part of his GI tract would disagree with the rest of his body that "my guts hate my guts." My turn, tonight, Jase-Ra. I was trying to go to bed early. Classes start in a week, and I wanted to be on the "school" schedule. My body, however, had other plans. I've taken my pills, which means that now I just have to wait. I realized I hadn't written an entry, so why not spend my time somewhat productively, rather than scanning through the same twelve email messages in my *starred file.

I'm still working through syllabi. I've three this semester. Fox is editing them. I've ditched the discussion boards. Blackboard's system is just too clunky. It isn't easy to read through the entries, and while you can search for individual students, that leaves you lacking the greater trends of the thread. I've a new lead on a possible non-Blackboard blog site, but I'll reserve comment until I set one up and am satisfied by the results. That leaves journals, which I will keep on Blackboard, if only for the ease of it, and because I don't want my inbox full of student submissions. The fewer files that I must keep track of the better, and with my dissertation at full steam and two articles in the works, I've more than enough to worry about.

Since this is an incredibly random entry, I'll close with a list of the books on my desk.

Women in the Classical World, by Elaine Fantham, Helene Foley, Natalie Kampen, Sarah Pomeroy, and Alan Shapiro

Ancient Warfare (VSI), Harry Sidebottom

Roman Women, by Eve D'Ambra

Feminism (VSI), by Margaret Walters

The Arabian Nights: A Norton Critical Edition, selected and edited by Daniel Heller-Roazen

The Past as Text, by Gabrielle Spiegel

A Day in the Life: November 2nd -- Election Day

An odd assortment of today's activities:

Frost! My car was encased in it this morning. The trusty weatherman had told me it would be cold, and he'd even hinted at frost, and so I'd planned to spend ten extra minutes outside scraping away the snow-cone fluff. Alas, my extra time was gobbled up by a fruitless search for a tie. My striped shirts are not tie friendly, unfortunately, and so the time was utterly wasted. The drive, however, was not the monotonous traffic jam that the I695 B-more Beltway tends to be on a Tuesday morning around 6:45 am. Election day means that many schools are closed. School closings mean less traffic. Less traffic means that I did get to my office before 7:30 am this morning. And what does that mean? Means I'm happy.

I handed out a bucket of candy to all of my students today. Fox and I are trying very hard to keep to our eating plans. I'm looking to fit into my jeans again. I haven't been able to since Thorn was born. Candy sitting around the house just wasn't conducive to that project. The students were thrilled to get it, and now I can say that I've contributed to a university-spanning sugar high.

Fox and I voted this afternoon. It is only the second time that we've gone down to the polling place together. Last election, Fox voted absentee, and I was alone on the long and ebullient line. This election lacked the same energy as 2008, but the people in the line were dedicated souls. Also the local election staff was kind as can be, and we got in and out in short order.

Tonight I added 2,710 words to the 863 that I wrote yesterday. The dissertation is moving right along. Something on the page every day this month. This is my November.

Lots of meetings tomorrow. Watching elections results until 10:00. I do so love democracy.

Harumph.

AHHHHHHHH!

I'm better now. Thank you.

Toodles.

Good News, Bad News

Good News: Working for about an hour, each taking a half-hour shift, my spouse and I have finally freed one of the cars.
Bad News: We're about to be snowed in again. Significant snow will hit the region (again) sometime between Tuesday and Wednesday. Right now they're predicting 12-18 more inches. On top of the 25-30 we got this weekend.

Good News: Being snowed in has given Sparrow and I time to pack.
Bad News: We've run out of tape, twine, and boxes.

Good News: I've been getting good stuff on cross-dressing marines in the British navy, 1700s.
Bad News: I can't get to the library to pick up books on the subject. Good thing early English newspapers are available via Internet.

Super Scooter

The super scooter has arrived.